I’ve never cared for LAX, though I’ve been to and through that airport hundreds of times over the last 25 years. My first experience was in the late 80s when I flew out to LA for the Pepperdine Bible Lectures for the first time. I was convinced I would be mugged before I ever reached my rental car. (We southerners have never had a very high opinion of California in general, and Los Angeles specifically!)
These days, if I go to LAX it is to either drop off or pick up a body for our mortuary. Which was the case last Thursday evening.
The Wife and I drove over early to have dinner with some very dear friends before driving up to that dreaded domain to pick up a body coming to us from Africa. I had received two phone calls a couple of days earlier from KLM, the cargo company handling the freight, and I asked if I needed to bring any documents with me. I was told, “No.”
So I show up about 7pm to start the process, which I knew would involve picking up the paperwork from KLM, taking it to U. S. Customs for their release of the body, then returning to KLM to actually pick up the case.
The man working the desk of KLM was very nice and courteous. He told me he needed a letter on our company letterhead stating that I was there as a representative of the mortuary to pick up this particular case. I told him I had spoken with someone from their office twice and even asked if I needed any documentation and was told that I did not.
Not knowing exactly what to do, he called his supervisor who assured me I needed that letter! I explained to her that I had a picture ID, a driver’s license, and a company check made out to KLM for the import fee. I added that why would I show up for a body unless all the arrangements had been made. Even the computer records on their end had our mortuary listed as the receiving agent.
So there I am, with my photo ID from our mortuary and they can’t release because I don’t have a letter on our letterhead. The supervisor agreed to let me proceed this time, but in the future to be sure and bring a letter.
Think about that a moment … anyone with a computer can make up a fake letterhead and type a letter. There is no security in showing up with a letter! And it makes less sense that a letter would bear more weight than my photo ID! But then, when did anything conceived and run by the federal government – especially since 9/11 – make any sense?
They assured me since I had the paperwork, that U. S. Customs would accept it without a letter. They were WRONG! The agent at customs would not even allow me to ask a question until I had that letter faxed to him. I’m fairly certain terrorists would never come up with faxing a faux letter!
So I had to get Mark to go down to the mortuary about 9pm and write a letter to fax over to Customs. It arrived about five minutes later and my Customs officer motioned for me to come back to the window. I’m sure had he been given the choice between taking out his semi-automatic .45 and blowing me away or actually helping me with the release process, he would have shot me in the head! He was the most unfriendly, non-human I’ve dealt with since my last interaction with the staff of Riverside County Health Department.
When I mentioned to the people at KLM that the people at U. S. Customs were not very happy people, one of the KLM employees said, “Oh, they never are.” It just made a long day that much longer … but at least I knew it wasn’t just me. Apparently customs agents don’t like anyone.
My daughter says anytime Azusa Pacific University (where she is employed) is mentioned on the internet, the school is notified by some ping software device (I assume). Does U. S. Customs do the same? Will that unfriendly agent show up at my house and arrest me for what I’ve written? Even worse, does the Riverside County Health Department monitor the internet? I’m not feeling very safe right now.
Greg England
Since you were in L.A., you should have called Jack Bauer to help out. He would have tortured the agent until he allowed you to proceed. You would have had that case home in no time.
Good idea Keith…but Jack is still recovering from that weapons grade virus he contacted….
Greg, you make me think of my husband David….his tolerance for stupid, rude people continues to deteriorate with each passing year….and for some reason, I seem to become more tolerant….maybe we just balance each other out.
I don’t know how you can say that. I know I feel safer because the U.S. Customs department is on the job. (I said that in case your site is being monitored). Actually I think the real unsung heroes are the overweight women who check you at the boarding gates. I didn’t know that much woman could be poured into that tight a uniform, but I digress. Those gals are the surliest, most indifferent folks at the airport and because, for some reason, I always seem to make the metal detector go off, I darn near naked by the end of their inspections and they have to probe me with their magic wands until they find that I have a metal rivit on my levis or something. Just one more reason I love the airport.
Sounds like you’re beating a dead person; I mean “horse” to death here.
I see that gene pool virus is continuing to spread. GET A MAC US Customs and Health Agencies!
Off to the environs of God’s country for some country ham and biscuits and blackberry cobbler.
Live long and prosper!
Peace.
I was going to leave a comment, but unfortunately I couldn’t verify your ID and your name was misspelled on the anti-spam word, it looks like gidday instead of Greg. Still…in case this is your post. I liked it!
I hear you … when we came back from Honduras this past August and landed in Houston to go thorough customs it was a nightmare. Probably the worst part was simply being 30 minutes behind schedule and they didn’t care. It literally took us an hour and a half to go through the process of getting back into the US. But we were thankful that our bags didn’t get checked and that we didn’t have a dead body … like you.
I don’t think I’ve ever had to deal with U.S. Customs agents. I suppose I must live a fortunate life, spending most of my time between Mississippi and Texas – as foreign as those two states are to each other!
I went across to Mexico a couple of times years ago. Once from El Paso, Texas and once from Nogales, Arizona. But, I don’t remember any problems of any sort way back then. That was way before drugs, etc, and they were more than happy for us to cross and come back, not that we got much.
So . . . did your casket have hidden cavities underneath the body full of contraband? That’s what all of the exciting action thrillers show. Oohhhh. How exciting that would be!!
Just sayin’.
Tom & I went through a Miss. state troopers roadblock Saturday night coming home from our friends’ house on the Miss. gulf coast, does that count? We must have looked perfectly harmless because the trooper shone his light in our car and wished us well on our way. We were just wondering how much illegal contraband passes through Pearl River County, Mississippi on the road between Picayune and “the” Kiln (the home of Bret Favre, the perrenial quarterback).
Cheers! Dee