WARNING: LENGTHY BLOG.
For many years I have struggled with various aspects of my walk with the Lord.
Prayer being the primary struggle … when I try to pray like other people pray.
But there are others. Not reading the Bible on a regular basis. There are few things in life that I enjoy more than studying the Bible, but to read as in a daily Bible reading … it just doesn’t happen. And “You just need to get your priorities straight” simply overlooks many factors of a given personality. Some people simply do not like to read.
Not spending “quiet time” (which has as many definitions as it has people who spend quiet time) with God.
I would attend seminars and workshops and meet with other preachers (once for a year-long discussion group with six or seven other preachers … a very helpful year) and come away with both encouragement and guilt. These guys would take a sabbatical (something never afforded to me where I preached) just to spend time (not vacation) away from the office for spiritual renewal.
They would go to distant cities and study for a month in some renowned theological library. Or spend a week in the solitude of the desert, praying and fasting. Others would plan out a sermon series for the coming year. Or work on their latest book, soon to be published. Some sabbaticals lasted a week. Others a half a year.
And I would look at my life and think what a spiritual failure/flake/fluke I happened to be in contrast.
I am reading John Ortberg’s latest book, The Me I Want to Be: Becoming God’s Best Version of Me and he addresses all of these concerns, and more. He’s helping me to see more clearly what I’ve know all along.
Pastor of Menlo Presbyterian Church in the San Francisco area, and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology (Fuller Seminary), he goes to the heart of the matter. God made me to be … well, to be me! The things in my life that really draw me closer to God are not the things in your life that draw you closer to God.
There are people who simply don’t like to read. My wife is one of them. Dyslexia makes reading far more of a chore than an enjoyment to her.
I love to read … I just don’t love reading the Bible for the sake of reading the Bible. My in-laws read a chapter of the Bible every morning at breakfast. Seven days a week. It seemed that every time we were visiting, they were in Numbers … and would read a chapter of “begats” (they used only the KJV) as if somehow that nourished anyone spiritually.
[Note: Not to put down my in-laws. They were two of the most godly, spiritual people I've ever known or will ever know. Maybe it did more for them than I'll ever know ... it just doesn't do the same for me.]
Rather than reading, Janice enjoys listening to certain preachers on the radio and every time I get in the car after she’s driven it somewhere, the radio is always on 88.9 where she’s been listening to the local Calvary Chapel preacher, Brian Bell … a friend of ours. When I’m in the car, the radio is either on talk radio or oldies rock ‘n roll.
Over the years I’ve had people tell me they were closer to God when “out in nature” than in a church. Of course I was well schooled in how to respond to such heretical nonsense … but my guess is John the Baptizer would have been able to relate to that very well. Church, as we do it, simply doesn’t strike a resonant chord in everyone’s heart.
We were discussing this in an elder’s meeting once at Long Beach and I was making the argument that just because we like “worship” a certain way doesn’t mean it will appeal at all to someone else. One of our elders (who didn’t like change) made a comment to the effect that those people just need to adjust to what we do if they want to worship with us. How do people like that become elders? And why do we allow them to remain in the position for years and decades?
Interesting how we look at the Bible and see how certain people drew close to God and make a list of things to help draw close to God, assuming all the while that these work for everyone. Then we discover they don’t. For some reason, we have taken on maturing in Christ as our personal (or church-ministry) project! How in the world can I ever manage my own spiritual growth? Doesn’t the Word tell us that God, who began this work (salvation / spiritual maturity) will finish it?
I’m not saying we are to be passive, but our role is submission, not supervision! I have contended for many years that we’ve tried to substitute the ministry of the indwelling Spirit with church programs and ministry involvement hoping a side benefit to being busy will somehow produce growth and maturity. In reality, it produces spiritual stress, frustration, and, too often, burnout.
Ortberg writes what I’ve thought about randomly over the majority of my adult life, and certainly the last 15 or so years that I preached. So I’ll finish this with some excerpts . . .
The Bible does not say you are God’s appliance; it says you are his masterpiece. Appliances get mass-produced. Masterpieces get hand-crafted. God did not make you like anyone else. Therefore his plan for shaping you will not look his plan for shaping anyone else. If you try to follow a generic plan for spiritual growth, it will only frustrate you….
Our great model for spiritual growth is God himself for he always knows just what we need.
He had Abraham talk a walk, Elijah take a nap, Joshua take a lap, and Adam take a rap.
He gave Moses a forty-year time out, he gave David a harp and a dance, and he gave Paul a pen and a scroll.
He wrestled with Jacob, argued with Job, whispered to Elijah, warned Can, and comforted Hagar.
He gave Aaron an altar, Miriam a song, Gideon a fleece, Peter a name, and Elisha a mantle.
Jesus was stern with the rich young ruler, tender with the woman caught in adultery, patient with the disciples, blistering with the scribes, gentle with the children, and gracious with the thief on the cross.
God never grows two people the same way. God is a hand-crafter, not a mass producer.
Now it is your turn.
God has existed from eternity–but he has never had a relationship with you before. He wants to do a new thing with you.
Greg England
Good thoughts bro. I struggled mightily with these very thoughts in 1997 and find periodic battles with them. I think every believer, in some way, struggles here. I found Philip Yancey’s book, “Church, Why Bother?”, to really connect with me. He also came from a very legalistic background and he describes his journey to freedom in Christ. I have also enjoyed recently reading Gordon Atkinson’s comments on his ministry journey/struggles (www.reallivepreacher.com).
Ortberg has it going on and is often helpful to me as well.
Peace.
Greg, I am right with you on this one. God never makes two people alike, and He does not expect us to serve Him identically!
Greg, these are great thoughts. I have not picked up Ortberg’s book yet, but it looks interesting. Good thing we’re not all alike …. God makes us unique to reach the unique people around us. Love you brother!
Wow! I found myself heaving a great sigh of relief and wiping the worried sweat from my brow. I’m going to have to investigate this book, because I’ve known all along that some things are not for me. I’ve done the whole read-your-Bible-spend-quiet-time-etc. thing and it’s just too rote. Can you imagine trying to get to know your friend or spouse or children that way?
Thanks for the recommendation.
I love this. We had a conversation like this last night in small group. I have a new book on my list!!
I’ve always been an Ortberg fan. He can put deep, serious theology into words people like me can understand. Thanks for sharing this. I’ll get the book.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I mentioned the idea of a sabbatical once in an elder’s meeting. I didn’t think it was that funny of a joke.
This has got to be one of the best posts I have ever read from you. Plain, concise, and to the point. (There’s probably a lot of redundancy in that previous sentence, but as evidenced by Paul, repetition means emphasis… right?)
As much as we should not try to put God in a box of our own definitions, we should not do the same with our fellow human beings.
I just may have to get that book! What a relief to know I don’t have to relate to God in the exact same way everybody else does. A relief for me, and a relief for those I might try to shove into MY mold. No one studies the Bible the same way. No one prays the same way. And nobody is talented at the same “good works” as somebody else. These are the thoughts that come to my mind…………I will have to think in more depth. Thanks so much for sharing this, my friend.
Excellent points/thoughts and I am in agreement. I have too often, in my previous legalistic life, tired to put everyone in the same box. How ashamed I am to admit that, yet how glad I am that I have been taught a “more excellent way” and I remain a student, as we all do. Thank you for sharing this and probably bringing relief/joy/hope to many people, including me.
When I was reading this, I just kept thinking, “Yeah…. me, too”
Agree 100%!! I stopped trying to do everything like everyone else a long time ago because (1) I just could not do it, (2) I felt terribly guilt ridden all the time, (3) it wasn’t helping my in my spiritual walk, but hurting and depressing me, and (4) I certainly wasn’t able to reach out to anybody else to do them any good from my own walk, because I was pretty much just stumbling along in a fog.
Life was gloom and doom for me, so how could I minister to anyone else? Plus, I tried for a while to get people to do what I was doing, and that sure didn’t work either, as you say here today.
Gotta go, it’s very late here. But, love this post and gained a lot from it. Thanks!!
Dee
What if for some reason everything we think of as essential to “have church” were taken away? No buildings, no sound systems, no budgets, no programs, no worship teams, no songbooks, no youth and involvement ministers, no paid preachers, nothing. Would God still be sovereign? Would Jesus still be Lord? Would He find a way for the kingdom to flourish? Of course! It is His kingdom, not ours, to grow and mature. I think the making of the church into an institution is our way (perhaps unintentionally, perhaps not) of trying to control the way God works both collectively and individually. All of the things mentioned above are relatively easy to measure, structure, rearrange, and manage. We can control those things. The problem is that no matter how much we manipulate our church institutions, we are seldom left with more mature disciples. That may be because it is God’s desire to do that in the way He sees fit. I think God does take a more case-by case approach to growing us up.
I, like you, have struggled with the “spiritual disciplines” and found that the harder I tried, the more frustrated I became, becasue I was trying to do it. I have found that God has used people and situations to grow me up. I find often that when I’m in a circumstance that requires more spiritual strength or wisdom than I have, I am forced to go to the Word or seek the council of other disciples. Sometimes just admitting that I can’t do it by myself gives me the inspiration to draw nearer to God and rely on His power not my own. God provides the spiritual disciplines in His own way in my life.
i really like this blog, Greg. I feel nourished. Thanks
Wow, awesome post-I can truly relate!! Spiritual disciplines have not been my forte, and I have often felt bad about not having a “set aside” time in the Bible or prayer. I have found, though the last few years that I am much closer to God by having conversations with Him throughout the day rather than appointed times. I am so thankful God reaches out and draws us to Him in different ways!
Hey Greg,
I can’t believe I just stumbled upon your blog today for the very first time!! I recently preached a sermon series at Hilltop entitled, “Beautifully Messy.” In these talks we focused on how spirituality is messy, and how often we try to bring order and structure to our messiness with religious rules and regulations disguised as spirituality. We discussed what could happen in our spiritual lives if we weren’t so afraid to get messy with Jesus. This freaked some people out. Many Christians seem to have a hard time believing that spirituality is different for everyone, and that sometimes it cannot be charted in a one, two, three step or purpose driven model.
I emphasized that we’re all messy and God calls us beautiful because we are his messy masterpiece. We talked a lot about the same verse. Needless to say God has used it to spark a lot of authenticity and vulnerability in our community. I’ve had numerous people discuss with me how they felt as if a burden of guilt or shame was lifted from their shoulders. Apparently, many people felt guilty that their spiritual life didn’t look like that of the ministerial staff… too which I was the first to say… well my spirituality is a mess. Still, one lady stood up in the middle of my sermon.. stormed out… and shouted… “I came to hear about God not listen to this sh*t!!” (thought you might appreciate that story!)
Needless to say it was an interesting and powerful few Sundays at Hilltop.
Love your words in this post Greg. I’ve always appreciated how genuine you are. I’ll be following your blog from here on out and I’ll add you to my links page on my site. Hope all is well for you guys.
[Jordan: Good to hear from you! Your family has been special to us over the years. Funny story! Seems like she provided a living example of what you were preaching.]