And “fwee” he is!

On that July 28, 2007, we huddled in the waiting room of the hospital in Fallbrook to await Jackson’s arrival. He was a bit premature, so there was concern for him and for Heather.

His daddy was premature, so I guess he felt a need to carry on the tradition.

There was a sliver of glass, not blocked by blinds, between the waiting room and the room where the babies are brought after delivery. At any given moment, you could find Jan, Jessica, or myself with our noses pressed against the glass, wanting to at least catch a glimpse of this latest England.

[I wonder, do the angels do something similar to that when physical death is our birth into our forever home? I'd like to think they do.]

Watching him grow. Watching Josh and Heather stumble through parenting (which we all stumbled through). Watching each stage of lifting his head, sitting up, crawling backward like a crab, crawling forward, standing, walking, talking, learning who we are and that we love him more than life itself, and then watching him become a big brother to Logan and Lillian.

What a journey!!

In fwee years Jackson will be 6 and Grindaddy (and Grinmama) will be 10 times Jackson’s age.

For now we’re celebrating his birthday and learning love on a level we could never have imagined. Fwee times over with Jackson, Logan, and Lilly!

Rancho Springs Medical Center Emergency Room.

I immediately recognized the name of the deceased. Less than two years ago we handled the arrangements for her daughter. Last year, three days before Christmas, we handled the arrangements for her husband. This week we’ll bury the wife and mother.

Three deaths in this family in less than two years.

When we handled the daughter’s funeral, the father was so distraught over the unexpected death of his daughter, Janice and I went out to the house rather than having them come to the mortuary. We spent a couple of hours with them, during which time the father gave Janice some peanut candy that he only gave to “special” people (he had no idea just how special a person Janice is), as well as telling me (after a lengthy discussion) that with some coaching from him I had the potential of making a “good Baptist.”

Jan and I arrived at the ER about 11:30 Friday night and saw the surviving family members together across from the ER entrance. We walked over, gave them a hug and told them how sorry we were to be doing this again, though I didn’t think their mother would last long after the death of her husband.

There was a person present we didn’t know … turned out to be a volunteer with TIPs program (Trauma Intervention Program). We introduced ourselves and she said, “I hear you have some history with this family.” Before I could respond, the son spoke up and said, “The Englands are family to us.”

After a prayer with them, they went home and we took their mother to the funeral home. Later this week we will celebrate her life and lay her body to rest with her husband and daughter. At some point in time when time ceases to exist and history all converges on a single event in the heavens, Jesus will raise them up and give them bodies that don’t have strokes, heart attacks, and disease. Bodies that can never die. Our forever home.

Ministry, even in the context of death, just doesn’t get much better. We’ve touched their lives and they’ve touched ours … and we share a common faith in Jesus Christ. That does make us family, doesn’t it?

But I still love to read. Ordered a couple of books yesterday … just to keep what’s left of the gray matter somewhat stimulated by thought and wonder.

Last week I was given a book, “The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible.” I’m only a few pages into it and must admit the author, A. J. Jacobs, is a good writer and an amusing one. I know the point of the book is to basically make fun of the writings we not only hold dear, but guide our lives. To some degree.

Here are some excerpts from chapter 1:

I can’t do anything without fear I’m breaking a biblical law. Before I so much as inhale or exhale, I have to run through a long mental checklist of the rules.

It begins when I open my closet to get dressed. The Bible forbids men to wear women’s clothing (Deuteronomy 22:5), so that comfortable Dickinson College sweatshirt is off-limits. It was originally my wife’s.

The Bible says to avoid wearing cloths made of mixed fibers (Leviticus 19:19), so I have to mothball my poly-cotton Esquire magazine T-shirt.

And loafers? Am I allowed to wear leather? I go to the living room, click on my PowerBook and open my Biblical Rules File. I scroll down to the ones about animals. Pigskin and snakeskin are questionable, but it looks like regular old cow leather is permissible.

But wait — am I even allowed to use the computer? The Bible, as you might have guessed, doesn’t address the issue specifically, so I give it a tentative yes. Maybe sometime down the road I could try stone tablets.

He later goes to Mail Boxes Etc. to have six copies made of the 10 Commandments to post around the house as a memory device, only to find himself behind a woman who takes far too long to have copies made of hundreds of pages … on the only working copy machine in the place! After running through verses regarding anger, patience, and smiling, he makes it to the counter and give the cashier a dollar . . .

She scoops my thirty-eight cents of change from the register and holds it out for me to take.

“Could you, uh, put the change on the counter?” I ask.

She glares at me. I’m not supposed to touch a woman–more on that later–so I simply trying to avoid unnecessary finger-to-finger contact.

“I have a cold,” I say. “I don’t want to give it to you.”

A complete lie. In trying to avoid one sin, I committed another.

What’s scary is that I’ve been there. Not to his degree, but obsessing over trying to keep all the rules rather than loving the One who kept them on my behalf, and being motivated by God’s love rather than my fear of failure to keep a rule.

The lady who gave me the book also gave us a bunch of homemade cookies, including the absolute best chocolate cookies I’ve ever put in my mouth, so I figure the least I can do (and I have committed my life to doing the least I can do) is to read the book. Having engulfed the cookies!

So, in my defense, I thought I’d share with you at least one project that went from start to finish without any good blogs! It did stretch out over about a week, working in the afternoons, but no major guffaws to add to my vast inventory of projects gone wrong.

The swing set came in two boxes. Large boxes. Boxes weighing in at just over 200 pounds! We started with this … along with dozens of plastic bags filled with all sorts of screws, washers, nuts, bolts, chains, and sundry swing set parts ….

and ended with this!

Sorry to disappoint you, but sometimes I actually do things right. The first time.

There are more pictures (with the kids in them) over on FaceBook. I don’t put pictures of the kiddies on this forum as it’s far too public for our comfort.

Last night, I ran about 60 feet of water line around the back and side of the house and installed 2 water bibs (where you connect a hose) with no leaks, no drips, no errors. I’m on a ROLL!

I attended classes at lectureships and listened to preachers talk about how their church is so much better than “my” church because they have finally figured out the missing piece to growth.

Just saw the latest book by a well-known ex-pastor on how to communicate more effectively. I’ve heard him speak on several occasions and he’s about as arrogant a person as I’ve ever come across.

Another book just published on getting beyond “noses and nickles” to help church leaders focus on discipleship and spiritual maturity….

I finally gave up reading all the books and stopped attending the seminars and lectureships. It all just seemed to complicate something that was never meant to be all that complicated. Imagine where we’d be if Jesus had listened to the religious experts of his day?

Come to think of it, we tend to look more like they looked than how He looked. Hmmm . . .

My close friend told me once, “If everything these guys are saying were true, the churches of Christ would be exploding in growth.”

Truth is, as hard as we try, we’ve never been able to “get it right” as to how to “do church” because we were never meant to “do church.” It was always God’s idea that we BE the church, regardless of what we happened to be “doing” at a given moment.

Here is an article that appeared last week in the Los Angeles Times newspaper regarding one of the shepherds at Chorus Church. That this would even appear in that newspaper is truly amazing. Dave is a humble guy who just happens to believe wholeheartedly in being God’s person in the context of the given moment.

He’s not slick. Not flashy. Not in your face. Just a servant-hearted guy who loves to see others come to know the Lord.

If you have time, it’s worth the read. What it doesn’t tell you is just how God is using this to speak to people all over the United States about faith and prayer!

I am blessed by Dave’s friendship and pastoral care as an elder at our church. Dave is blessed by the love, support, and encouragement of his wife, Dawn … every bit as servant-hearted.

Jackson replied, “You’re supposed to say, ‘excuse me’.”

I said, “You’re right! Excuse me.”

He told me, “No Grindaddy. You don’t say, ‘You’re right excuse me.’ You just say ‘excuse me.’”

So I said, “Excuse me,” and Jackson said, “That’s right.”

A war of semantics with a 3-year-old.

Speaking of semantics, yet on another subject altogether . . .

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Hello Funeral Director

How are you doing my name is catlin smith i am contacting you as funeral home.as i will like funeral service for my late father smith cole who was born on 17th May 1940 and died on 6th june 2010 who died on his business trip to ENGLAND and the remains is right now in a Mortuary in ENGLAND (WEST NORWOOD MOTUARY) and i want his remains transport back to state for immediate burial so can you do this for me..and if so get back to me with the cost for   you to handle this and do you also accept credit card for payment please do get back to me with the total cost by emailing catlinsmith72@yahoo.com i will be glad to hear back from you.

Sincerely

Catlin Smith

What do you think, a scam?

Before you jump to any conclusion, consider: (1) the impeccable command of the English language, (2) the near-perfect spelling and capitalization, (3) the flawless punctuation, as well as (4) the easy flow of the run-on sentences so as not to bother us with those silly periods.

Can there be any doubt this is the real thing?!

Not to mention the late “smith cole” has been dead for five weeks and Catlin is just now contacting a funeral home in “state” to have his body returned?  You would think the least she would do is update the scam to the current month.

I smell a rat … a 40-day-old corpse of a rat.

For the most part, all of the arrangements were made by a brother-in-law as the family was paralyzed by grief and shock.

Here’s a PSA from your friendly (most of the time) funeral director. Below are some of the things you will have to attend to on the most difficult day of your life

Notify Immediately

Family and relatives

The funeral director

The cemetery

All friends

Employer of the deceased

Employers of relatives missing work

Insurance agents (life, health, etc.)

Organizations (religious, civic, etc.)

Newspaper(s) for obituary

Decide and Arrange Immediately

Select a funeral director

Decide whether to bury or cremate

Decide the type of celebration of life

Select a cemetery

Purchase burial property

Select Casket / Urn

Arrange for military honors for vets

Decide location of services

Select clergy to officiate

Provide information for eulogy

Select flowers

Arrange music for visitation and service

Select memorial

Provide obituary for newspaper(s)

Answer calls, messages, letters

Get addresses for “Thank You” cards

Meet with funeral director

Arrange for special wishes

Decide number of death certificates needed

Look after house, children, pets

Secure Vital Statistics

Name, home address, telephone numbers

Birth state / country

How long in county / state

Occupation, title, years in occupation

Social security number

Veteran’s Serial Number

Date of birth

Father’s name / birthplace

Mother’s name / maiden name / birthplace

Collect Documents

Funeral insurance?

Deed to burial property

Will

Citizenship papers

Insurance policies

Bank books

Deeds to property

Bill of sale for car(s)

Income tax returns

Veteran’s discharge (DD-214)

Disability and pension claims

Pay for the following

Funeral services

Memorials

Casket, vault, endowment care

Burial plot, mausoleum or niche

Opening and closing

Clergy

Church / Temple costs

Transportation

Want to make an incredible gift to your family? Get this information together and stored in a safe place. Better yet, visit a local funeral home and ask for a pre-planning guide. You don’t have to pay for anything (and don’t let anyone pressure you into signing or buying anything at this point), but just to get the information in writing and how to locate the necessary documents can be huge for your survivors.

WARNING: Rated “R” for rather lengthy.

Last year we installed a whole house ceiling fan, all but eliminating our need to run the air conditioner, in spite of the fact we live in a near-desert area … much to my neighbor’s dismay, as he runs his 24/7. (I did offer to help him install one in his house.)

Since our house faces east, the front yard is in shade far earlier than the back yard and the Mrs. wanted a screen or security door (which ever was cheapest least expensive) on the front of the house so we could pull the cool air in earlier in the afternoon.

We found a security door on sale at Lowes and picked up the last one in stock, along with the dead bolt passage set. I figured this project would take about an hour and certainly not more than an hour and a half to complete. After all, it requires installing only 8 screws and the passage set. How long could that possibly take?

I figured wrong. But if you are a regular reader of this blog, you knew this would come into play.

Tuesday – Day One of the Door: Discovered the one-way screws required an optional tool to install them. Back to Lowes to pick up the tool, assuming it would might be as much as $4-5.

I was wrong. Again. The man at Lowes had never heard of such a tool, and at first I might as well have been asking for a spare part for an alien space ship, but we eventually found one. Cost: $19.95 plus 8.75% CA sales tax. Almost $22 to install 8 screws!

By the time I got home, it was too late to start drilling and bothering the neighbors. I would wrap this project up on Wednesday afternoon.

Wednesday – Day Two of the Door. The $22 installation tool I purchased required a 3/8″ drill. I have three 3/8″ drills and the tool would not fit any of them. Who could have possibly foreseen this?

Two options: Wait for my neighbor to come home and see if he has a 1/2″ drill, or go back to town and buy a new drill. I opted for number one. Why is it when you need something from a neighbor, they are at least an hour later getting home than any other day? Dave did not have a 1/2″ drill, but he brought out his 3/8″ drill and the tool fit perfectly! Of course.

I was able to get the holes drilled for the hinge-side of the frame that supports the weight, while managing to completely chew up two of the one-way screws. And, to their credit, the door people only gave the exact amount of one-way screws to do the job. I guess they’ve either (1) never installed one of their doors, or (2) know how to use that installation tool better than I. My money would be on #1.

About that time, we got a first call to pick up a person from the hospital. It was still early and having butchered two of the 8 one-way screws, I would stop by Depot’s House (as my 3-year-old grandson calls Home Depot) and pick up a couple of extra screws.

The hospital removal took just enough time to put me at Home Depot at the exact moment the doors were being locked shut. So I used the evening to install the passage lock set … saving me at least that much time for the following day(s) of this project. Josh had gone on the hospital run with me and was looking at the door when he noticed I’d put the dead bolt where the handle should have gone and the handle where the dead bolt should have gone.

Sometimes smart-aleck 29-year-olds get on my nerves. I went to bed.

Thursday – Day Three of the Door. I removed the passage set and replaced it correctly. Now to complete the door. After dressing up the remaining one-way screws so the $22 installation tool would bite the screw better (reducing the chance of buggering them up), I got the third one in on the hinged side of the door.

The Mrs. helped me mark the right side of the frame, which I then screwed to the door jam using those screws that cannot be backed out.

The frame is slightly beveled toward the inside, which I knew but, for some reason, failed to add into the equation, so when the frame was securely fastened to the door frame with one-way screws requiring a $22 installation tool, the door would not close!

About 40 minutes later, I got it to where it would close, slightly hanging on the bottom corner, but I figure in time, and with opening and closing the door as much as possible, friction will do it’s miraculous work and wear down the frame and door to where it opens and closes smooth as a baby’s bottom.

And that, my dear friends, is the evolution of a door project. I have come up with a solution to the door rubbing the frame, but will have to deal with that after this week. We are enjoying  having two of Jan’s three sisters with us for the week. One from Alabama. One from Michigan.

This weekend, I will finish putting together a swingset for the grandkids and then I can turn my attention to a rather minor plumbing project. Running a water supply around to the south side of the house and installing a hose bib.

I figure that project shouldn’t take any longer than an hour. Tops.

I despise all of the local news stations, but KTLA seems to be as bad as it gets. The anchors all think they are funny when, in reality, they are morons. At any given moment in the telecast, all of them (news, sports, entertainment, weather) are talking over each other at once … just noise.

For instance, Tuesday morning’s “TOP” story was all about Lindsay Lohan’s court appearance. (She got 90 days in jail for parole violation.) The big mystery on Tuesday was from which of the two doors of the courthouse would she emerge to get to the SUV that brought her!!! STOP THE PRESSES, folks, this is BIG news. Two doors and one reporter … what was the news editor thinking?

If it rains, the lead story on every LA station is that it’s raining. I’m not talking about a deluge, I’m talking about a “storm” that “dumps” as much as a quarter to a half inch of rain! They have stock video footage of water running in the street gutters … close up. Another stock video has a camera pointed toward a street light so we can actually see the rain falling. I guess there are some people who either have never seen rain fall or have forgotten exactly how that looks.

Drives me nuts.

They will interrupt any show at any time to cover a police chase … and stay on it for hours, all the while the anchor idiots having a discussion with someone in a helicopter, asking the same stupid questions over and over and explaining the same stuff (about which they know nothing) until the chase is over. All this does is encourage losers to steal a car and run from the police for their hour or so of television fame.

A couple of years ago the driver stopped the vehicle, got out on a bridge, put a shotgun to his head and pulled the trigger. After that one, the “news” people decided to show these chases in time delay.

Drives me nuts.

To top it all off, when I get to work and have a chance, I’ll go to Yahoo(dot)com and look at the “news” stories and every story on KTLA that morning came directly from the internet. So these morons are no longer even trying to get the news on their own. They just read to us what they’ve read on the internet.

Drives me nuts.

We have an out of control oil well spewing millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico … seldom a word about that any longer. After all, our “leaders” in DC haven’t a clue. The people who actually know what to do and how to do it can’t get past the governmental red tape to protect their own environment. Back page story.

We have a war against Islamic terrorism being fought on numerous fronts. Who cares? Back page story in spite of the fact that our people are being killed and wounded daily.

The economy is already down the toilet and into the sewage system. Government’s answer: Tax and spend. Back page story.

But Lindsay Lohan is back in court (again) and now which door will she walk through? We’ve got that covered!

Drives me nuts.

Or let any one of the uber-morons in government … especially the one who presently occupies our White House … say anything and they are all over that. Then they bring in the talking heads to tell us what was just said.

Drives me nuts.

I won’t even go into the “sound bites” of today’s “news” stories. But you guessed it … drives me nuts!

I apologize (half heartedly) for the length of this offering, but I do feel a little better. Fortunately we deal with death every day so that’s always a “pick-me-up” to offset the local news.

What about your local news … is it news or just moronic, mind-numbing stories of no particular interest to anyone?